用戶:中歐/Drafts

I'm doing practice work here on User:Zhongou/Drafts.

Corporate Music

Music that performs above the line of corporate reality.

• Young Marble Giants
• Circus Lupus
• Public Enemy

搖滾樂 is a good word for this. Even though this just means rock and roll, it seems to have the quality of what it takes to make this list. The second word in particular is real good. Its about halting one's response to any unreasonably interesting thing that one may encounter, and about doing so in a comfortable, reasonable, survivable way.

Its about taking shots from an a-hole (presumably one's colleague) about one's favorite things in life.

Or its about staying up at night tossing and turning, worrying about the caterpillars in the mulberry groves falling off the trees, worrying that the little caterpillars will be injured during the fall. One is thinking about this because one's job includes walking the trees and picking up the caterpillars that fell off the trees.

搖滾樂 This is the same word.

The Elements

• 1

Hydrogen. This word has a lot to do with sex, or rather, vaguely irritated sexuality. It has a very "saturnalian" look. Take my word for it, this is an interesting word.

So to keep your mind off it here's a song about hydrogen from the 60s: "The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace, where hydrogen is turned into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees". Someday this fusion power will be harnessed to make our coffee and recharge our batteries. Until then we will all have to make do with this song from "They Might Be Giants", straight outta Lexington, Massachusetts, home of the Raytheon cruise missile, "The Peacemaker".

When two hydrogens get smushed together to make a helium, there is an infintesimal bit of hydrogen left over, like a single grating from a lemon rind. That grating from the lemon rind is transformed at Star Trek levels into a burst of pure energy.

氫

• 2

Helium. This word has a lot to do with babies. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well do you? You have to ask yourself, What are the legal consequences of sexual relations? Here are some options: Divorce, Abortion, Marriage, College Tuition, Nothing, Prison. That's a strong list. 氦

• 3 Lithium. Look at Lithium guy. He is...just standing next to the gold radical. His head is square like a crossword puzzle. Kurt Cobain wrote a song about this guy.

鋰

• 4

Beryllium. Our most important element, that performs at low Kelvin the same as it performs at room temperature. The James Webb Space Telescope mirror is being fashioned of beryllium, in America, now and over the next 5 years. It is to be launched into the space 'above' the solar system in 2011. The mirror is 18 meters wide. It'll be up above Jupiter in a node of the gravity, vulnerable to Romulans and Circassians. Its a huge OSHA issue. The metal is very poisonous and in Massachusetts in the 50s or something some factories making flourescent lights or something had some big issues, in the early days of Worker's Compensation. So this mirror is being made very carefully, both in terms of machine tooling and in terms of employment politics. The factories and testing facilities for making this mirror are in the American south, north Midwest and in California. It will take up to 20 roadtrips to get each piece finished and ready to install. 鈹

• 5 Boron. Boron is your friend. If you are a Suzy Homemaker, boron provides the borosilicate glass for Pyrex you can bake cornbread in and then toss in the sink full of cold water without it breaking. If you live in the city Boric Acid is your friend, but for the life of me I'll never understand why people just don't buy frogs instead of spreading that crap around their house. Its a harmless powder, but it has to get vacuumed up after its used. The frog method is much better. Just put it in the bathroom sink at night.

硼

• 6 Carbon. This is what is left after the campfire. Like Uranium, this is a rather unimportant element. Unless you count coal.

碳

• 7

Nitrogen. What's this for? I don't know. 氮 8

• Oxygen. This is what sheep breathe.

氧

• 9

Flourine. This has the power of Buddha. This stuff has to be stored in paraffin containers. It can't be stored in glass, it eats through. If one holds a piece of wood in a jet of flourine, the wood burns with a yellow orange flame. This is the element used to frost lightbulbs so that the light is more soothing. They just put the glass bulbs without the metal (it eats that too) in a flourine oxygen box and the flourine eats the smooth glass, making it smooth and dull. 氟

• 10

Neon. The milk gas. Neon is used in the red-light district because hungry sex-industry-obsessed men are obsessed with human milk and human lactation. 氖 3 11 Natrium, or Sodium. Nerve cells suck in monumental numbers of sodium and potassium ions to make the nerve cell go. How does this work? There are bazillions of pumps that just go to town when its time to move your arm or make an important decision. Then a microsecond later the sodium ions are expelled to make the nerve cell ready again.

鈉

• 12

Magnesium. This is the beautiful element. It is also the American element. This metal, when purchased from the science supply catalog, has the remarkable capacity of burning underwater. You just light the metal on fire above water, watch it burn for a second without burning your fingers because the metal gets hot, and then you put it underwater and it still burns, on and on. It is remarkable. science catalog link and price. 鎂

• 13

Aluminum. I have no idea what this useful element has to do with the island of Luzon in the Phillipines. Aluminum is used in the song "Halloween II" by Samhain, to great effect. It is our third most important element. It will be replaced by plastic when it runs out. For the time being, it sucks in tremendous amounts of electricity to make the bauxite melt. The aluminum just floats to the top. The thing that I always wondered, if they can build a giant box to load the ore into, and two gigantic electrodes for making the heat arc, and the aluminum melts, how come the box doesn't melt? Or the electrodes? I mean, that thing has got to be on for 10 hours to melt all the rock. At least its not complicateder like steel, where it needs limestone to break the iron atoms out of the rock. You just melt the rock and the aluminum floats to the top. Its the simplest of all metals to process. But how do the components not melt? I mean, if I leave my electric blanket at 9 and fall asleep, its too hot to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night and have to turn it down. For making steel, the same thing; why don't the steel Bessemer converter thing melt from the steel inside it? And doesn't there get a buildup of steel inside the Bessemer converter? Like if you refill the dip bowl a few times on Super Bowl Sunday or like if you leave a hummus dish in the sink. There's just a huge buildup there. And how do they get it off? Interesting.

Actually, I just read the aluminum article on Wikipedia and this box of ore just isn't there. Apparently they crush the ore into sand-size granules and then soak it in some harsh chemical that turns it into a Marshmallow Fluff, and then that gets socked into the box with the electrodes, and the aluminum seperates out. 鋁

• 14

Silicon. This is strange. It looks like someone is taking a shower here in this word. Glass is a lot of silicon mostly. There is this thing they say about glass being a liquid. It is a liquid. But they figured out that if one takes a tumbler from one's kitchen and lets it stand there on the counter for 10,000 years, it won't flow more than a billionth of an angstrom. Some liquid. 矽

• 15

Phosphorus. Used in our safety matches; along with sulfur phosphorus is one of our two "tobacco-related" elements. So important, you have no idea. 磷

• 16

Sulfur. The other tobacco element. It also has brimstone properties. In hell there is a vast amount of sulfur. It is also an important part of "acid rain", which has destroyed all the lakes in Pennsylvania and northern New England. Which is weird; I was water-skiing up there during the worst of it, and I didn't notice anything. White Mountain tourist link 硫

• 17

Chlorine. Mostly used for pools. It forms saline solution when combined with sodium. You know, salt. 氯

• 18

Argon. Arrogant. Argonne. Ardennes Woods near Belgium. Argentina. This must be related to Agmium, our name for silver, somehow, I don't know how. 氬

4

• 19

K-pak, or Potassium. Sometimes someone comes to your desk with a memo to type or a phone call to make. And then, sometimes someone comes to your desk to apologize for being mean or something. This element has to do with the mettle it takes to accomplish this type of apology. 鉀

• 20

Calcium. The correct answer is always "calcium". 鈣

• 21

Scandium. My favorite element. Its the element of the Kennedys. You know, there are Kennedy types in all nations. Hong Kong, for instance, has a Kennedy Town neighborhood, on Hong Kong Island itself. 鈧

• 22

Titanium. The average person eats a lot of titanium during his or her lifetime. Amazing. Titanium dioxide is used to change the color of ordinary wheat flour from light brown to brilliant white. Its also used in vanilla ice cream. I guess its safe. Its used to make paper white and its used in paint and inks and plastics. Plastic is just a colorless thing that is produced in giant containers, in a powder-like microsphere format. If it has color they use an element to make it. In this case titanium. The microsphericles are pushed into a mold and then the mold is heated for a few seconds to make the spheres all melt together. Then the guy pops it out and puts it on a big sheet of cardboard, maybe, and the next one is in the mold getting melted together. It takes under 10 seconds to make one of these and you can make 6 per minute, or 360 per hour. Or something like that. You need to take a break sometime, and you have to pace yourself. It works out that people make the same amount depending on how "on" they are. Like, the Bengals are really "on" this season, so maybe its like they don't even need a bathroom break today while they are making these. It averages out. 鈦

• 23

Vanadium. There is a lot of this in South Africa. Its important for some reason. The thing of it is, that Mbeki doesn't want South Africa to be the focal point for a bunch of sick-ass teenagers who need to get married, right away; he is more of a type to talk all day to MIT and Apple Computer about how much Vanadium, Chromium and Platinum, etc, they might need over the next 100,000 years. I mean, if you are worshipping a diamond ring instead of getting your ass off the couch to get down to the Hyundai dealership to get your girl something she could really use, like a car, then you might as well write to Dear Abby when she divorces your ass. en:Bushveld Complex 釩

• 24

Chromium. This was a very popular element in the 50s and 60s, used for cars, bicycles and motorcycles. 鉻

• 25

Manganese. This element has the distinction of representing "alumni weekend", with its startling imagery of a baby and a keg. Probably Sam Adams. 錳

• 26

Fe or Iron. Our most important element. Its weird; the same color rust on farm implements and wheelbarrows and all is the same red that makes our blood seem to have a red color. Of course, blood is blue also when the rust has the oxygen molecule sucked out of it by our ATP molecules. That's a useful thing; there is nothing like oxygen. Of course sugar is also involved. That's the whole story. Except there are so many molecules involved, it gets complicated. All the complicated molecules just have places on the DNA where they get copied out. Its a big deal. 鐵

• 27

Cobalt. The ancient element. Back in the 60s the government got all involved in "designer atomic bombs" including a copper bomb, a cobalt bomb and some other bomb. 鈷

• 28

Nickel. The element that stinks. The earth has a nickel core; but I heard they raised it to a dime. What we are going to do with all that nickel, when we hollow out the interior of the earth, is a mystery. We could make a radio telescope bigger than the sun, and then put it into place somewhere outside the solar system. We'll just fill the space with sea water, or dark matter, some kind of filler. 鎳

• 29

Cuprium or Copper. Used in studying to bring electricity to people reading at night. Also used to bring water to the house or apartment. Our second most important element. 銅

• 30

Zinc. The hot pepper element. It is dissolved in aqua regia and then trashcans and what not are immersed in the solution and come out galvanized. 鋅

• 31

Gallium is inside your computer. 鎵

• 32

Germanium is inside your computer. 鍺

• 33

Arsenic. British poison. Also used elsewhere including China. Has an additive property. description of cell level function of this element. Poison is weird. It is a molecule that gets in the way of a cell thing, like if some robot men were programmed to keep people away from the vending machines in a factory. That would be a small poison. If these robot people were able to force people to spend an hour starting their cars after work, that would be a more serious poison. Of course if the work stops, that's a seroius poison. If the robots were able to block people from turning their head to the left, that's about as strong a poison as there is. So I would say arsenic is more along the lines of "robot people who go into factories and prevent people from talking to their bosses, ever", including the people in the accounting office. It takes a long time for this one, but it totally works. Like in the movie "Arsenic and Old Lace" with Jimmy Stewart. 砷

• 34

Selenium. Selenium asters are an important flower in the US West. They grow somewhere in Wyoming and they gather selenium atoms through the cell walls of their roots. 硒

• 35

Bromine. Related to nickel. This is a liquid that is dissolved in the ocean and it really gets strong in the case of the Dead Sea and the Great Salt Lake, where the ocean is just dehydrated down to a little lake. They take the bromine out by plants at the side of the lake. Its cheaper than getting it out of the ocean, where it is all spread out. You know, there's a lot of gold in the ocean too. Something to think about for the future. 溴

• 36

Krypton. Forms kryptonite. 氪

5 37

• Rubidium Like "Jack Ruby", who made a "bid" to take out Lee Harvey Oswald the day after the Kennedy assassination in the 60s. The prison food is yummy for Jack Ruby. He was a women's man, running a few strip clubs, totally beholden to his employees for all the free sex he got from working there. Running, running, running and eventually he saw his chance to get some free time and some peace of mind, in prison. What do people eat in prison, anyway? Beef stew, toast, salad, coffee, tea? Yogurt for breakfast? No women around for the first time in his life? It does get boring though, as he can't actually leave, but I suppose he got used to it. It goes to show, that one shouldn't go to extremes in terms of training and discipline, like to be a lion tamer, a strip club owner, a hynotist. Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel. - The Doors. The Shah sleeps in Lee Harvey's grave - The Butthole Surfers. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow - Fleetwood Mac. On the day that you were born, the angels got together, and decided to create a dream come true; so they sprinkled stardust in your hair and la la la - The Carpenters. It just gets worse.

銣

• 38

Strontium. The strong element. I think Strontium, Titanium, Tantalum, Palladium and Wolfram are our strongest elements. I should check. 鍶

• 39

Yttrium. Strange. 釔

• 40

Zirconium. Cubic zirconium. Try to buy your girl one of these for the wedding, and buy her a Peuguot or VW Golf on credit if you really love her. 鋯

• 41

Niobium. The feminist metal. L7, Hang On The Box, Last Target, The Pretenders, Heart, Lita Ford, Nonstop Body, The Runaways. Hey altar boys, listen up! 鈮

• 42

Molybdenum. This is an important part of the denim we take for granted in our everyday lives. I could use a Denim Jacket from the catalog, with the paisley lining, for the spring. 鉬

• 43

Technetium. Made by man. Number 43. 鎝

• 44

Ruthenium. As in "Ruthlessly she forced him to apply to Harvard". 釕

• 45

Rhodium. Found in vast deposits in the state of Rhode Island, in the US. I live near there. 銠

• 46

Palladium. One of our best metals for strength. "I saw The Clash at the palladium in '79." 鈀

• 47

Ag or Agmium. Means silver. Like quarters and dimes. 銀

• 48

Cadmium. Cadbury Schweppes. Some kind of battery component. 鎘

• 49

Indium. The independent element. Do you like indium food? 銦

• 50

Sn. Sn stands for Tin. Formed with flourine into the element Flouristan, or Stannous Flouride, it is in our toothpaste. It has the strange property of cutting the load of the dental plan by like 80%. Which is good, more money for comic books and video games. It is like an invisible shield which is is so yucky for bacteria to eat. Tin is found, like 80% of it, in Malaysia. They also have rubber and palm oil and they make stuff for computers now. 錫

• 51

Sb. Siobhan. Actually, Stibium, known as Antimony, or Anti-Money. Like tax-time, I guess. Antimony has the priveleged position of being able to assume three different colors: Regular antimony, yellow antimony and black antimony. I should really get to the science catalog and order this stuff. Except they won't sell it because its explosive, the black and yellow, I think. 銻

• 52

Tellurium. Our little brother is now an element in the periodic table. 碲

• 53

Iodine. People who do a lot of work become Iodine-like in their personality. Its like classic rock. Or like leaving school at 12 noon for work study. Or like doing math for one hour every day for 16 years. 碘

• 54

Xenon. Like the 70s disco. They actually made some elements with these so-called inert elements. Like Xenon Hydroflouride. They have plans to use this element to create so called mega-molecules, to clean the cyberspace around earth. Like Xenon 1 billion Carbon 1 trillion Tetraquadrillion Chloride, a modification of dry cleaning fluid that would create a molecule hundreds of feet in diameter, which is the make or break size for putting these in orbit on a cash basis. We can't have NASA going broke to do this cyber-project. 氙 6

• 55

Cesium. Must check. Cesium clocks. The molecule vibrates, producing a distinct clicking sound that can be picked up by a very sensitive radio set. 銫

• 56

Barium enema. Its slightly radioactive, so its used to "see" the digestive system, bilary system, circulatory, etc. I've never had one of these but my grandfather and my father have. I am looking forward to it. 鋇 鑭

系

• 71

Lutetium Luke Perry or The Gospel of Luke. Or Lucy Luke. 鎦

• 72

Hafnium Hugh Hefner. This is the Harvard of metals. Like if Conan O'Brien had a speedmetal band. Ministry is pretty good, and DOA, computer speed metal. Dudes like Weiland, Cornell and Vedder who function at a very high level would fall into this category, going the extra mile for AM radio airplay. Its difficult. To put it together for grandma and still have it not suck. I mean, if grandma can't listen to those big songs, she might just freak. And there's a lot of grandmas out there who don't want to be left out of the ongoing youth revolution. It really sucks to be young, and listening to "The Sidewalks of New York", and then doo-wop comes along, and they freak, and then the 60s, and they freak again, and on and on. Til there's today, with metal that sounds so nice sometimes so grandma always knows she never missed out on it. It gets to being like, well, after you go, grandma, its just 20 years til mom goes, and then 20 more til me, and then 20 more for the young uns. It really relieves stress to have this nice side of metal on all the time everywhere. Korean metal does a lot like this, like if King Diamond were all set up to be on the daytime radio all the time. For some reason that Scandinavian operatic sound is like money in the bank for this kind of thing. I don't mind it either. I love it, as a matter of fact. 鉿

• 73

Tantalum This is one of our toughest elements. No joke. Don't tantalize me, man. I need that! The story is from a Greek myth, that's pretty good, about a guy sentenced to do work that made no sense. You go through this all the time to figure stuff out. 鉭

• 74

Wolfram Wolfram wires, wound in spirals so small and so fine, are going to be replaced by LEDs pretty soon. Can't wait. The lighting industry is switching over; it takes a lot of work to make sure all the paychecks are all in a row, so to speak. Its totally worth it. Its going to be good. So cool in temperature, so many colors, so little electricity. Its like 80% invented, so its like putting it together to be in time for the factory changovers. They have to make an LED for every color, and they blend them to make good colors for regular use. I think blue is the toughest one. Red, yellow, green was easy, white was a challenge. Its like a film of diamond atoms on a film of gallim atoms, and the metals suck photons out of each other to make light, because of synergy. It is so cool. And they last forever. 鎢

• 75

Re 錸

• 76

Osmium Like The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. 鋨

• 77

Iridium. Found in butterfly wings, to make them iridescent. 銥

• 78

Pt Platinum, the most awesome element. 鉑

• 79

Au Gold There used to be a microgram of gold in Fort Knox for every dollar on the street and in the bank. Not any more. Ha. 金

• 80

Hg Huggium, or Mercury. This is used for mercury poisoning. Graham Parker has a good song, "I've got, mercury poisoning, its fatal and it won't get better.". 汞

• 81

Tl Tellurium 鉈

• 82

Pb Pobium, or Lead. Used for sinkers in recreational fishing. Its also used in lead poisoning. Paint chips, you know. 鉛

• 83

Bi Bismuth. Found in Pepto-Bismol. The bismuth atoms are supposed to dissolve from the dioxide or whatever in one's stomach and then hook up with stray hydrochlorics, to slake the sheer amount of hydrochloric molecules in the gut. Rolaids is the same except they use aluminum dioxide, and Tums uses calciums. Alka-Seltzer just uses sodium to match the hydrochlorics, but it has a lot of aspirin in it, and comes in that good seltzer format. The H+Cl, or hydrochloric, is broken in two because the aluminum or bismuth just looks so good to the chlorine. The hydrogen, of course, produces an inert gas that is somehow expelled. Burp. Excuse me, ma. 鉍

• 84

Polonium Found in vast quantities in Poland, I guess. 釙

• 85

At Astatine. There are always ~50 grams of Astatine present in the earth's crust. It's a momentary element. Polonium decays and produces an astatine, which sticks around for about 6 minutes, and then its gone, broken down to Fermium. Or something. 砈

• 86

Rn Radon. Ask me sometime about Radon. This is a big problem in the winter, in the north. Its supposed to be a leading cause of cancer. I have no idea why the earth's crust would pick someone's cellar floors and walls to seep its radon into, or why it just wouldn't get ventilated out when you opened the window in the summer. Its a boggler. 氡

• 87

Fr Francium. Same as astatine. 鍅

• 88

Ra Radium. Spanish Clock Dials. An OSHA issue. Don't lick the tip of your paintbrush at the radium watch dial factory, you'll get tongue cancer. 鐳 錒 系

• 103

Lr Lawrencium. Rents have to be low enough for people to pay, on their salary, or the economy will break down. Its too difficult to be living in a cardboard box and then getting up to go to work. 鐒

• 104

Rf Rufium 鑪

• 105

Db Dibbium 𨧀

• 106

Sg Siggium 𨭎

• 107

Bh Bhopalium 𨨏

• 108

Hs Hissium 𨭆

• 109

Mt Montanium 䥑

• 110

Ds Darmstadtium 鐽

• 111

Rg Reggium 錀

Days of Future Passed

These are the new ones that haven't been named yet. They aren't important. Except, which one is it that we need for the Star Trek thing? They'll just keep inventing them, one after the other, more or less, until "Captain! The Matter-Antimatter Drive! Spock! Bones! McCoy! Etc!"

• 112

Uub Uubium

• 113

Uut Uutium

• 114

Uuq Uuqium

• 115

Uup Uupium. Oops!

• 116

Uuh Uhh.

• 117

Uus User!

• 118

Uuo Whoa!

Sick of it All

The thing about these is, that they all have that "yum" ending that doesn't make sense. Polonium, actinium, flourium, they don't sound so yummy to me. Its like one has to go to the italian or the spanish: Polonio, Actinio, Potassio. That stuff is cool. I want it. I want it. Gimme gimme. So we have got to trash this "yum" system. Uranio, Plutonio, Calcio, Rhodio, Thorio. You know, the Italian soccer is named after this stuff: Il Calcio Storico. The Calcium Story. Which is why the Italians always have the right answer.

Lanthanides

鑭系元素

• 57

La Lathanum or Lanthanum. This guy is cool. This element represents the 70s. The next one is serious, or Cerium and represents the 80s, when the nation got a little more serious, and popular music changed from the nice Lanthanum of say Steely Dan or Foghat to the more interesting sounds of The Clash and Meat Puppets, which we see today in everyday music. 鑭

• 58

Cerium. So serious. Why don't you smile! Gah. 鈰

• 59

Pr Praseodymium. This is the element with the name that is so long that it is printed smaller, letter per letter, in the box in the periodic table. I guess this must mean the 90s. How far can we go with this? 鐠

• 60

Nd Neodymium Ok, this one means the 2000s. 釹

• 61

Pm Promethium 61, 62 63 = The Bible Elements, named after Prometheus, Samson, The Good Samaritan and Europe, because some of the gospels take place in Europe, like Galatians, Potassians, Magnesiums, etc. I guess the bible is important in the year 3000, or the year 2010, whichever one this is. The end of days used to be a big deal. I read this once; I think I remember; its when there are earthquakes, floods, thunderstorms, etc., all around the same time. So, its the Weather Channel, really. Got to watch the Weather Channel! David Letterman also used to be a weatherman, if you want a hipper take on this situation. 鉕

• 62

Sm Samarium. I can't figure out the timeline anymore. Is this the year 4000, or is it just 2020? 釤

• 63

Eu Europium. Francium, Germanium, Englandium, Italium, Polonium, Russium, Portuguesium, Spanishium, Latinum from Star Trek, Romanium, Bulgarium, Hungarium, Ukranium, Norgium, Sverigium, Islandium, Danskium, Scotlandium, Irelandium, Finlandia Vodka, Czechoslovakium, and Belgium. They even have Israelium and Turquium in Europe now, in the soccer. Who will win the world cup this year? Probably Englandium or Italium. (Englandio or Italio). 銪

• 64

Gd Gadolinium The mandolin, or the end of the Bible Elements. 釓

• 65

Tb 鋱

• 66

Dy Dysprosium It's a dis, man. 鏑

• 67

Ho Holmium Sherlock Holmes. 鈥

• 68

Er Erbium. The ear. 鉺

• 69

Tm 銩

• 70

Yb Ytterbium The coolest name, like Platinum. This guy started hacking around with some equipment near his home in Sweden and found all these elements that made it into the periodic table. Awesome, dude! 鐿

Actinides

錒系元素

• 89

Ac Actinium, I think. It ought to be Actinidium. This could just as well be named "Gregkinnearium" or "Boyslifium" or "Hopalongcassidium" or "Actionjacksonium" or "Meatpuppetsium" or "Badreligionium" or "Hawaiium" or "Crimpshrinium" or "Chejudoium" or "Capecodium" or "Adultswimium" or "Soothingverucapinium". I think Mr. Feeney from St Elsewhere used to buy this stuff from the science catalog every year to keep his azaleas healthy. 錒

• 90

Th Thorium. The Mighty Thor. Stan Lee was casting about for a superhero after he had started Spiderman and the Fantastic Four. He said "hmmm, what are people worried about all the time??? (this was in the 60s, when he was inventing this) HMmm. God. That's what. But I can't just have "God" as the comic book. How about a God. How about Thor, from Norway?" Great.

Thor is great, you know. He can drink like a case of tall boys and go to work. He works at a greenhouse, totally loaded but doesn't screw up or anything. And he's like come home and take a nap and then party in his house watching tv with a couple friends listening to Husker Du and The Replacements til 2 or 3. They have dvd's, a computer, and sometimes go outside to toss the ball around. Beer is by far the most important "element" in this guy's life. So he's flying around New York City with Mjollnir, the hammer he uses, every month. They have a lot of opinions on stuff, and its kind of good that so many of them make a lot of sense. Like, for instance, they believe that there are too many fences in suburbia. And they believe that if we put someone in the White House they should be totally interesting, like Al Franken all the way to the right or Jesse Ventura all the way to the left. And they believe that beer is important.

One of the things these Thors are right about is like "What is the best place to go on a walk? Disneyland?" No, the correct answer is always "Laser Tag", "McDonald's", "Burger King", "an abandoned factory" or a junkyard with 1000s of crushed used cars. Speedmetal is also important. "I am Older, Budweiser".

It takes like 5 minutes to read a comic book, so what are these guys doing for the other 29 days, 23 hours and 55 minutes of the month? Drinking I guess, in a Valhalla on earth. It's like a male version of "Living Single" starring Tootie, Queen Latifah, and the handyman named "Overton".

釷

• 91

Pa Pennsylvania? Parmesan? Pantaloonium? Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag? What is this? Oh, blank. 鏷

• 92

U Uranium or Uthantium. This is not an important element. Censorship! 鈾

• 93

Np Neapolitanicecreamium, or something. Its Neptunium, named after Neptune Avenue in Brooklyn, USA. 錼

• 94

Pu Pootium, or Plutonium. Don't worry about this stuff. 鈽

• 95

Am Americium. Nice name. 鋂

• 96

Cm Camarium, named after the Chevy Camaro. What is this. I forgot. 鋦

• 97 Bk Berkelium. Berkeley, California. Telegraph Avenue is your first stop on your tour of the West Coast. Just park off the avenue and go to the bookstore, recordstore, get some ice cream and sit on the sidewalk for a few hours. When the sun starts setting you want to head back to the city to get ready to go out to a show or stay in Berkeley for a show. The best cd or band of all time by far that would get one ready for this experience is "Crimpshrine" out of Lookout. One would think that it would be the whackest cd on earth, totally tripped out, completely out of it. Its really a lot of coffee, maybe a cigarette and walking around. Its too easy too deal with and one gets the impression that San Fran is so important and its permanent, and one great world city. Its not like there is a shortage of beer in California at this point, but if we don't keep an eye on Schwarzenegger, who knows what could happen? Join the beer lobby, be a lawyer, keep it legal.

鉳

• 98

Cf Californium Those bastards at Lawrence Livermore Laboratory hijacked the entire element table for a few years. MRR. 鉲

• 99

Es Einsteinium. The great one. 鑀

• 100

Fm Fermium. It would be cool to live in Fermi City in Illinois and work at the Fermi thing all day. Its pretty reliable as a paycheck. You know the rule of thumb, "there is always work in science". I think this has to do with the fact that there is no end of problems to solve. 鐨

• 101

Md Marylandium? No, Mendeleevium. 鍆

• 102

No 鍩 Nobelium. The Nobel Prize, now named "The Bank of Sweden Prize".